I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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