It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
