ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sponge bath it is.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
