I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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