Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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