the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize