My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
