I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
