Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
