sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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