She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize