im having a threesome with these popsicles
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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