At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He passed out mid-signature
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
