who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
