Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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