you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
