My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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