Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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