nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
