its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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