just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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