She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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