They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
