He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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