After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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