The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
