So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
worst night to have a conscience
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
