i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
