if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
