there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
barbara walters just said penis...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
