So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
