But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You ruined the universe
Randomize
