i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
