I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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