You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
