come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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