hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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