woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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