Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
