Pants 0. Shit 1.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
