I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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