Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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