I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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