Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
