The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
