I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This is the prime rib incident all over again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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