Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
