You're my little dorito
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
