I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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