I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
