ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
