I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
