Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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