Soap is not a condiment
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
