from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize