my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We left the knife in your bed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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