we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
