Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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