I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
