oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
