who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
