Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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