Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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