They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
