I wish I could teleport
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
