with your own penis?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
