My first STD was from a foam party
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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