I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
