just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
