Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
