Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
