I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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