i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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