It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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