My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
