my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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