If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
