Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize