maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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