Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
