I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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