he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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