idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
