don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
