the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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