so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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