I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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