i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize