I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
