Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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