he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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