guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
worst night to have a conscience
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
