ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
