You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
