Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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