my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
