i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
