why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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