forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
