girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
