im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
