good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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