it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
