He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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