Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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