No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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