I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
