I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
