Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
