if i can run in heels then i can drive
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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