I have demons in me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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